I was 60 last week.
Maybe not a great milestone to those who have spent their whole lives waiting for things to change and get better!
It has become obvious to me now that BPD is here to stay and the best I can hope for is to live a better life with it. The days of dreaming of some revelation and a grand change of who or what I am is long gone now and I must try to make the best of who and what I am.
For so many years I believed the fear and guilt would one day lift and sunshine would rain down on me from on high( if that is not a terrible mixed metaphor), and all would be right with my world. I know that is not going to happen and my life will always be affected by my condition and I will be limited by the symptoms it brings.
I know I will always be judged by many and pitied by some and even those I have known most of my life will view me as ‘not quite normal’.
There is really not anything I can do to change them or their view of me. I can only change how I deal with their feelings and with my own.
That does not mean I am content, far from it! My condition continues to frustrate and sadden me but I am somewhat resigned to my fate but not willing to sit quietly in a corner and pretend I am not here.
We people with BPD exist and pretending we do not does not help us or those around us and we have felt guilty simply for being for too long.
borderline personality disorder 