borderline personality disorder

Messing up

I have done it again. Self sabotage is such a serious problem for me. Such shame follows yet I continue to do it. I won’t go in to the shameful details but, let’s just say I broke the rules and I knew full well I was doing it.

I got in to a lot of trouble and everyone involved were obviously so disappointed in me and that familiar sense of failure is so powerful again.

“…..in the search for an understanding of BPD, …… findings yield intriguing implications for being able to trace the dysfunctional emotional life of people with this disorder to alterations in neural processing of emotional information. If you know people with BPD, you may be very familiar with their tendency to ruminate over their perceived failings, only to then act in self-destructive ways.”

Don’t get me wrong I made a gross mistake that could have had an emotional effect on others and my sense of shame is justified. However, I question whether the intensity is proportionate to the siruation.